A Bet I Made

I had a maths tutor when I was 14. Dad didn't believe in tutoring so Mom had to send me for classes on the sly. Basically told him a lie - that my cousin was tutoring me in maths.

He was my life saver. He was also the nicest guy. I owe my good result to him.

We had a lot of debates about life during class and one of those discussions was about a woman and her career. He was of the opinion that a woman can't have it all - a career and a family. It was an either or thing. And I disagreed - very loudly too!

I made a bet with him that when I am 40, I'd look him up and show him that I have it all. The big four - 0 is looming closer and I don't have it all.

But then, the most important question is - Do I need it all?

Call it what you want - a mid life crisis, a bored housewife or even the fear of old age - I don't think I am the only person plagued with this question.

Then there is this chauvinisitic family friend of David's. This ex-mililtary man was lamenting the fact that his daughter wants to study medicine. He was doing the maths and bemoaning the cost of it all. And he expressed the futility of paying for her education because he seems to think that she will eventually give it all up to become a housewife!

I do know of someone with a medical career who gave it up to help with her husband's dental practice and to take care of their 3 growing boys. Should her education be counted as waste?

In fact, should mine be counted as wasted? My uncle seemed to think so. Even my mom thought so. And I say, 'To Each Its Own'.

I have 2 years to revive my career if I want to win this bet. At this moment, I really don't.

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What Does the Future Hold?

Micah is going to be 14 mths in a few days time. Two whole months should be enough for me to get over that, 'Wow! I can't believe that Micah is 1 year old' feeling. But if I am amazed at all now, it is with his development. After he goes to bed and all is quiet, we have time to reflect and to compare notes on what new things he has done.

What is in fact normal development for a toddler is something amazing to us - parents who've been here and done this would understand. If I am a scrapbooker, I'd be busy trying to paste all these moments into a book but I am not. I know relying on my memory is no use - I've already forgotten what I ate for lunch. So I guess blogging will help me recall.

Still it is difficult to capture his baby smell, his gestures and expressions with a camera and we are never quick enough with the video.

Today he tried to say 'press'. It didn't sound at all like press but I understood him. There was the 'Phh' sound while pointing his hands towards a button he wanted to press. David and I take turns letting him press the buttons on the fridge to change the temperature, the buttons on the hob to turn on the exhaust and the buttons on the security phone or intercom. Any buttons that makes a beep is fine - don't even bother trying to trick him.

He sure knows how to communicate by asking to be carried so that he can reach for things. If he wants to play the keyboard, he climbs onto my lap and leans towards the object and make some noises. When I guess right out loud, he will nod and smile shyly. Today when I was busy looking at some clothes at a store and David was just watching him, he decided to be pally with the sales assistant. He really wanted to touch the mannequins' head so he reached out both hands to the girl (who was absolutely delighted) asking to be carried and then reached for the head!

And he is an exhibitionist - loves an audience. Our friends indulged him at lunch today - carried him so that he could reach for the switches. On and off, on and off and he turns around to gauge the reaction from the crowd. We shouldn't have encouraged him with our laughs and smiles - he thinks it's fun now!

His new object of desire is the fan. He loves anything that spins so David took him for a walk to the supermarket and since it's summer, there are loads of fans for sale. He was in funland! His mouth opened to voice out a 'wah' and he couldn't decide which he wanted to touch first! On his way back home, he had his 2nd experience with a dog. The first happened in Melbourne but I think he was too young to react. This time he was fascinated - touching the dog without fear.

As I am writing all this down, I am suddenly struck by a thought. I guess this is what being a mother is all about.

You see...while I was in China or traveling around with David before Micah was born, I was jobless and directionless. I spent my time moaning and groaning (cooking in between and watching lots of TV series) that I didn't have a life. I had to keep reassuring myself that this is exactly the place God wants me to be. I needed to know His purpose for me. In retrospect (I only ever realize things in retro which is why when God is answering a prayer, I am always clueless) the time away from all things I was familiar was good and is still good for me, and us. It really gives us perspective on a lot of things in our lives. I have to say that I cherish those times but I won't say that I've stopped moaning or groaning since we are still cut off from all things familiar!

You see....again....I am guilty of always chasing after that elusive thing called 'a life' but not appreciating that it is happening - right here, right now. I said at all those melancholic times that once I had a child, I'd have purpose. Then Micah happened and I am still complaining - not about Micah, don't get me wrong. I still feel as if something is missing, like I am supposed to be elsewhere!

Slowly but surely I am realizing that the place I am in now, the situation, the circumstance are all exactly where God wants me to be. First He trained me to be patient and then now He is training me to be a mother and that is all I need to concentrate on instead of trying to think that I am supposed to have a life other than being a mother to Micah. (sounds sarcastic? - I don't mean it that way).

I think I was confused as to the role I was playing. First I wanted to be a career woman but then I got married. So I became a wife who still strived at being a career woman but I secretly wanted to be a mother. Then when it took a while to get pregnant, I had to deal with that. When I couldn't deal with it, I decided to quit working and take some time off - become a lady of leisure or so it seems but that wasn't working out either - too much guilty feelings because I wasn't doing anything with my life. And then I had an excuse to be a real lady of leisure when David wanted to work in China - a great excuse to not work. That didn't work out well too - David will attest to that! And finally when Micah came along, I suddenly became a mother. I should be fulfilled but here I am thinking, on some days, that I really want to go back to work!

As I grapple with this new role and adjust to it (still doing adjustments even after a year!) while experiencing Micah, that thought struck me earlier as I was journaling Micah's antics. THIS is what being a mother is all about and it is MY role for a long time to come.

When I recall at day's end all the little things that Micah has done, I feel a tightening in my chest, an overflowing feeling of love. And before I go to bed tonight, I will look in on him one more time, touch his face and take in the picture of him in peaceful slumber and I shall be reminded that this is the place where I am supposed to be and I am content.

Personality and Character

It is obvious that Micah has a cheerful personality. Smiling comes easy to him and he rarely cries. We find him to be sociable, not afraid to approach strangers and touch them or even ask for food. These are some of the traits we've observed.

He has had opportunities to interact with other babies and toddlers, some his age and we've noticed that he is quick in wanting to join their play but still not quite sure how to do it. He approaches other kids and try to follow what they are doing - sometimes trying to snatch their toys but he gets bored easily and moves on to other things. He tends to be independent - exploring on his own, oblivious to us.

Today was his first play class at Gymboree. He liked it when Cherry & Maggie (the teachers) bring out Gymbo (the Gymboree mascot toy) and tambourine. His attention is quickly focused on any new item that is introduced. But he tends to want to approach them up close instead of sitting with me and following the class. And he likes music - always ready to clap and dance.

We also observe that he grunts when displeased. He started grunting when he was a lot younger, probably as young as 9mths but it is becoming more apparent now. Today he did it when they took away the toy box (he cried too!) and he grunted when another toddler tried to take his toy. He has been showing his displeasure quite loudly.

Maggie says he is quite adept at finding out how to play with some of the toys - knowing which button to press, which dial to spin and what knob to turn. I puffed up with a bit of motherly pride but was soon deflated when he started fussing and whining towards the end of the class. He was happy again when they started blowing bubbles. Got up to chase them but was frightened when we flapped the parachute up and down and over the kids. So he does get scared after all!

I know I am amazed at what is normal development in a child but I still find every new action or reaction in Micah nothing short of genius.

Now that we've taken note of his personality, we have to start developing his character which we feel is most important. Such virtues like integrity, courage, fortitude, honesty and loyalty. We not only need to educate him.

The function of education, therefore, is to teach one to think intensively and to think critically. But education which stops with efficiency may prove the greatest menace to society. The most dangerous criminal may be the man gifted with reason, but with no morals…We must remember that intelligence is not enough. Intelligence plus character — that is the goal of true education. The complete education gives one not only power of concentration, but worthy objectives upon which to concentrate…

– Martin Luther King Jr, The Purpose of Education

Witopia

It works! Worth paying for the service especially since we spend a lot of our time in China. The support was great in trying to help me and they were fast with their response. I am a happy customer.

Sigh...and a Big Sigh!

Blogging is tough in China! It takes forever to load by proxy. I should've listened to all the advice about getting my own domain and hosting. Might just do it soon...

Micah's New Tricycle

IMG_0027
Originally uploaded by Tracy Tan

A cool tricycle to have.

Features include sunshade, a base to stand on if I don't want to cycle,
a Bugs Bunny horn (sounds more like a rubber ducky squeek)
a stand at the back in case a friend needs a ride,
a handle for someone else to do the pushing (and steering) if I don't want to cycle
and a little basket up front for me to put some toys.
Aah! What more can I ask for.

I can even choose to push!

3 Countries, 3 Lifestyles

Yup! That's sums it up for us. We shuttle between Malaysia, China and Australia and we live 3 different lifestyles.

In Malaysia, it is a life of luxury! We stay with my sister and hardly ever have to lift a finger. Irma, her trusty helper is a gem in my eyes for not only can she cook some mean dishes for dinner, she's also really good with Micah. We don't need to do housework save for doing our own laundry and even then, Irma helps out sometimes. I get to spend more time with my sister and her family (although I fear that we inconvenience her) and as well as my mom. I am glad my family gets to see Micah growing and developing.

In China, David gets busy - going to work and I am a full time homemaker. Life there is simple. We stay home more and watch a lot of movies and TV series. My days are filled with cooking, caring for Micah and surfing or blogging. We have some friends there - local and foreign and we try to meet up once a week. We travel to Shanghai often to shop for things as well as for some specialty groceries. Our next trip to China will be for a longer period than normal and we hope to take that opportunity to travel within.

In Australia, our life is beginning. On our previous visits, we have stayed with the Lipscombes. This trip we moved into our new home. It is 3 weeks today and we feel very settled. We are discovering new friendships, neighborhoods and a new way to live. The outdoor beckons and we are constantly out in the sunshine and enjoying God's nature. Brisbane is almost always sunny even when it is getting colder. The days may be shorter as winter draws near but we still enjoy an early sun rise.

It is also here, that we have to work harder at housework! David has been spending his mornings working on the garden. Left unattended for a few months before we moved in, he had some back breaking hours, mowing, trimming the hedge and clearing the grass clippings. I was busy either with Micah or the general cleaning and chores around the house.

For obvious reasons, we eat differently depending on where we are at the moment but it is in Australia that I am able to spread my cooking wings because of the availability of ingredients. As we will eventually settle here, I am more willing to invest in all the things needed to cook and to bake. I can't wait until I get all my kitchen stuff over from Malaysia. For now I make do with what I have.

Our time in Brisbane is coming up. A brief stopover in Kuala Lumpur to stock up and then we will be back in Ningbo and the cycle continues while Micah keeps on growing.

Snapshots of life in Brisbane:-

A drive to a National Park and a picnic.

Micah is loving the swing and the outdoors.

It's not quite cold enough for the fireplace

but I wanted to test ours out.

It's an electric fireplace and the flames are just for show :)

David working hard

A brinjal we found in the garden!

We cooked it in a curry :)

Too bad we've had to clear all vegetation

as we won't be around to tend to it.

We are going to miss our home in Brisbane but we are looking forward to some Malaysian food and some pampering in Kuala Lumpur. It's back to the grind in China!

Antics of a One Year Old